


Frayed Around the Edges

by CloudFire



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Elounor, F/F, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I just wanted a lonely Zayn, M/M, Outcast!Zayn, Tank top!Liam, This is emotional, Wow, artist!zayn, punk!liam, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-26 15:44:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/967730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudFire/pseuds/CloudFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam's just the boy that likes to rip the sleeves off his shirts; Zayn's just the boy that has to take a smoke outside during third period.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Frayed Around the Edges

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmmm, I liked the way the summary sounded and so I tried to fit this into a real thing.

In the beginning of it, Liam had been like every other kid you'd see in the hallway; hurrying to his class and cursing when he remembers the homework that he didn't do for said class, who messed about with his friends and still managed to pull on top of them, and who liked to make people do things for him because he thought he deserved it.

Zayn had never been that way, opting for that ‘Yeah, I'm strange now get the fuck out of my face,’ look. It had always fit him in a way he wasn't too happy about. He wasn't happy about a lot of things, actually. The only thing he felt truly happy about, with smiles and little gigles that he'd cough to cover up and thoughts of an actually future-- the only thing that did that to Zayn was Liam.

 

He doesn't even remember-- no, yes he does. He remembers the first day he saw Liam like it was an hour ago.

 

 

 

**_X_  **

Zayn hated being ‘the new kid,’ people always looked at him different and he really just wanted to crawl back underneath his covers and never ever think about getting up again. But his dad had the family moving because of work, so they barely stayed in one place for more than a year.

Zayn stood at his locker and looked at his schedule, frowning when he realized that he was taking such a hard maths class and that it was on the other side of the school. His locker was easy enough, he'd never had trouble with lockers. He realized that he'd need textbooks and then he'd have to actually talk to the teacher for help because he was new and shit Zayn hates that.

He's wasted enough time that now actual students were coming about now, getting ready for home room and extra curricular, before school activities. He sighed and put his bag in his locker, deciding to pocket his phone and locker combination in case he needed either. Zayn brought a pencil and two notebooks; one to write his supplies in and one to do his doodles in (as you can imagine, he used that one more). Zayn jumped when he heard someone come up next to him and thought back to the present-- of course someone would be there, it was a locker filled hallway and he wasn't the only person in school. He would just act like he was, and ignore everyone until he felt comfortable, and even then it would probably be a little too late but that's how Zayn did things.

“Hey, are you new?” And Zayn knows how to just ignore people and act as if they aren't there, that he didn't just hear them ask for his name or his notes in the class. But this person-- Zayn's not gonna look-- this person is persistent and would really like to know, “You're new, right?”

Finally, because his limit is three and it's been nine now, Zayn nods and glances up at the person next to him. It had only been meant to be a three second long look, nothing out of the ordinary if you knew Zayn. But what he saw was not worth three seconds, or even four. It was worth forever and a day, time Zayn couldn't give him if he tried or wanted to (and yes, he very much did).

He was a boy, taller than Zayn by a lot. Lanky in build he was, his limbs long and strong looking. He had sort of short brown hair, which he had styled into a sort of quiff, though it was a little flatter than what Zayn preferred for his hair. He had milky white skin where it wasn't covered in minuscule tattoos. He had a piercing in his lip and on his eyebrow and if Zayn didn't know better, he was sure that the boy had ripped the sleeves off his shirt to make it a sort of tank top, leaving the part where his arms came out frayed around the edges.

“What?” The boy asked and Zayn shook his head, looked back the opposite way and made a helpless sound in his mind. This boy couldn't actually be talking to him, right? Maybe there was a different new kid, one that he couldn't see and that was right next to him. Because it didn't make any kind of earthly sense that this was happening.

“Let me see your schedule.” The boy made fingers at it and Zayn looked around, still sure that the attention of this.. We'll say heavenly, boy was directed at him. When it seemed as if maybe it wasn't just a crazy thought, that maybe it was real, the bell rang and the boy sighed. Zayn jumped and fidgeted with his collar as he watched the boy move away from him, watched him carry on and act as if Zayn hadn't been there, because maybe he forgot he was.

Zayn looked down at his schedule and saw that he would have some woman called Mrs. Ora as his teacher. Zayn thought she would be nice enough and looked at the room number. “347,” Zayn said to himself and looked at the closest door, which was right next to his locker. It was labeled 351. Zayn looked at the next door and saw it was labeled 352. So Zayn turned around and began his search for room 347, pushing past group of friends meeting each other again for the first time since last year.

At last he found the door, which was wide open, and turned into it. Zayn's eyes immediately scanned the back row, seeing an available seat easily. He made his way to the back and ignored the stares he got from some of the other students, though most of them looked up and at the front, waiting for the teacher to make her appearance. “Hey,” Zayn hears when he sits down and pulls out his second note book, for doodles. He was running out of paper in there and would need to steal another of his sister's again. He knows someone just said something to him but again, he didn't want to talk to anyone and so he was ignoring for the first two weeks as he always does when he's new.

But again, it's a peresistence that he doesn't possess in terms of patience and he finally looks up from his scrawling garden of flowers, the shading half finished on the flower he'd been working on. “Yes?” Zayn says politely, so as not to piss the person off. But how could Zayn not know the voice? It was the boy again, playing with the ring his lip and writing something with his finger onto the surface of his desk.

“Hi.” The boy says and he holds out his hand, so that Zayn can shake it, he deduces. Zayn decides to play it safe and places his hand in the boy's slowly, lightly, in case he was doing something wrong. They shook three times before the boy lets out of Zayn's grip and smiles at him. Zayn feels like he might have a heart attack-- that's not legal, though. The way this boy smiles is something that Zayn has never seen before in all his life, with crinkly eyes and pretty teeth oh, his eyes are so pretty and brown and shiny and--

“I'm--”  the boy goes to say, and Zayn thinks yes, his name, but just then, Mrs. Ora saunters in, her fair hair contrasting nicely to her slightly dark skin, though she wasn't so dark that she could even be called ‘light-skinned’. A boy in the row ahead of Zahn and the beautiful creature next him made a sound and put his head on his desk, his caramel tinged arms in Zayn's perriferal vision as a girl with pale skin and blonde hair waved to Mrs Ora and put her finger in her mouth.

Mrs Ora closed the door and looked at her class, smiling in satisfaction as she saw the looks of friendliness, boredness and arousal that were directed at her. “As you may know by now, I am Mrs Ora,” she said and many of the students just nodded, waiting for her to do something else. She put her hands on her hips and surveyed the room, poking at the faces of the students. “Who is new this year?” Very few people raised their hands, and Zayn wouldn't have, if the boy hasn't been sitting next to him. He did something that Zayn had never had done to him, something he didn't know what to do about except just let happen. The boy raised Zayn's arm up, which was easy enough as Zayn held his arm completely slack in the air, his elbow right next to his ear with the force of the boy's blatant strength.

Mrs Ora took no notice to this, and instead motioned for the new students to go to the front of the class. This is why Zayn was not going to raise his hand, he absolutely despised this process of the first day of school. Zayn pushed himself out of his chair and made his way up there first, standing close to the door, his If All Else Fails plan route. Two other students came up after him and he looked at the floor, sighing at his shoes and cursing himself for being so damn shy.

 _“_ Now, tell us your names, and one thing you like to do.” Zayn hated the ‘say something you like to do,’ part of it, he didn't understand why he can't just say he was Zayn and go sit back down. “We'll start here. Son, what's your name?” The boy had a sort of shock of blonde hair, the way it was so light in color. He'd styled it windswept, and a girl on the other side of he class room with bright red hair and darker skin held her hand out to him. He smiled at the class and ran a hand through his hair as he said, “Well, I'm Luke, and I play my guitar.” The girl in the front of the class clapped her hands and the girl next her laughed, her purple curls bouncing as her bell laugh ran around the room. Mrs Ora nodded and smiled the boy. “Thank you, Luke.” She pointed to the next person, a girl. She had nice hair, long and brown, lighter highlights very obvious. “I'm Eleanor, and I like to do Louis.” An eruption of laughter went through the class and even Zayn smiled quietly as she basked in the glow of her innuendo fueled 15 seconds of fame. The light skinned boy in front of the boy, as Zayn had gotten up now, turned bright red and rolled his eyes at her. “Thank you, Eleanor.” Mrs Ora shook her head and looked between the two of them before pointed to Zayn.

And now, Zayn. Zayn sighed and cleared his throat, looking at a spot on the wall as he said, “Well, I'm called Zayn and I like to art, I guess. Wait--” but the laughter was already there, piercing his brain and making him rub the back of his neck as he waited for it to stop. “I meant I like to do art,” and he nodded at the class. Mrs Ora smiled, “That's very nice, Zayn. Now, you may all have a seat.” Zayn scurried to his seat and the boy patted his back. “You did good.” Zayn, however, remembers spending that day thinking that he did shit at that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_ X _ **

That had been first period, Zayn remembers as he sits on his bed and pulls a caccoon around himself. He doesn't remember much of second period except that he met some other new people in the class-- he thinks it's Science, he doesn't remember even now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

  ** _X_  **

The bell rings and the class shouts as they get up and make their rowdy ways to second period, most of them going different ways. Zayn looks at his schedule, which read 'Science' in the fancy black ink of the school. Zayn sighed when the room number said 520. He doesn't even know where 400 starts, so this should be fun. He feels heat on his back and he shivers, whips around and gasps when he sees the boy at his back (his front now). "Oh, it's fine," he says and then he snatches Zayn's schedule, his eyes greedily scanning over the paper before handing it back to Zayn, a smile on his face that Zayn would really like to wipe cleanly off.

"What?" Zayn finally said when he couldn't take the look on the boy's face any longer as they walked together though the hallways. Zayn felt like a baby duck, followeing behind the boy just so. "You have every class with me. Everyone of them." Great. Zayn smiled softly up at the boy and the boy looked down at him, remembering something and stopping in the middle of the hallway, causing Zayn to bump into his slightly. "I keep trying to tell you this, my name is--"

"Oi! Perrie, we saw how you looked at Mrs Ora, we're telling Dani!" The two neon haired girls shouted after the blonde one, and she flipped them off as she continued to walk to her class. The one with red hair stopped in front of the boy, and Zayn noticed a hint of flush to her skin. "Hey, how've you been?" She said and the boy shrugs, picks at one of the many strings in his sleeve. She moves closer to him and whispers in his ear, something about "Fourth block," and "It'll be really quick." The boy shakes his head and she looks disappointed but not so much that she won't try again. She shrugs and flounces of, making her hair whip around in an almost violent manner.

"Liam." The boy says simply, and at first Zayn thinks he is talking to someone. "Who?" That's the second word he's said to this boy and it feels like the thousanth, he can't believe he's even met him. "Me, silly. I'm Liam." Zayn coughs into his arm and th-- Liam pats his back in a way a mother does when she is soothing her child. "Where's the science room?" Zayn plucks up his draining courage to ask this question, and thats probably the last he'll ask until tomorrow unless it's a matter of life and death. "Just follow me." Liam leads Zayn slowly, as if there were things to see in a high school hallway. "By the way, I love your name; Zayn."

He accentuates it by putting a hand on Zayn's shoulder and moving him towards a door. Just outside it, a man with nice black hair, with which he did absolutely nothing, and a smart outfit, one of a teacher. "Professor?" Liam said when they got close enough. The man nodded and said, "Liam." Liam smiled and then moved back a bit to show Zayn, who hadn't realized he'd been hiding until Liam moved. "We've got a new student, Professor Hood. He's called Zayn." Professor Hood looked Zayn over and nodded again, motioning them to join the students already in the class.

"Alright class, take your seats." Mr. Hood said in a very authorative voice and the class instantly hushed itself, though one girl-- the blonde one called 'Perrie'-- sat in the lap of another girl. She had the brightest red hair that Zayn had ever seen, and she had thin appendages, her arms wrapped around Perrie's stomach. Mr. Hood shook his head and the red haired girl pouted, letting the other off her lap with a huff and a sigh. "Now. I am Mr. Hood." The class droned, "Good Morning, Mr. Hood." Zayn didn't understand how the students knew the teachers already; maybe there was an orientation that he'd missed.

"I understand we have a new student?" Zayn raised his hand before Liam could get to it this time, and then Mr. Hood smiled at him and the class buzzed, "Hi, Zayn," one person behind so that she said Zayn twice and put her head on her desk, groaning as if she realized it was only second period. Mr. hood turned to the board and wrote down an instruction _._

  
**Find a lab partner.**

Zayn sighed and looked around as people began talking and laughing and he knew that he wasn't going to have a-- "Be my lab partner?" He heard someone say and he turned around from where he'd been standing idly, shook his head in shock when he saw that it was Liam but nodded at him regardless, letting himself be led to the middle of the classroom. "You can do anything here." Liam says and Zayn just nods, puts his pencil in his pocket and feels his phone almost slip out. But 'heroic' liam is always there to save Zayn today, and he picks it up before it drops. "Be more careful, yeah?" Zayn nods and takes his phone back. Liam is again playing with his lip ring and Zayn thought that he should really stop doing that because-- "Fuck!" Mr. Hood looked up and scowled at Liam. "Excuse me?"

"Mr. Hood, I need to go to the--mmahh-- the clinic or whatever its called, my lip is bleeding and I'm going to die." Perrie laughs at him loudly and the girl she was sitting next to cuffed her ear lightly, whispering something that made her shiver.  Mr. Hood rolled his eyes but opened the door and Liam rushed out, he didn't even look backwards in his haste. So now, Zayn was alone.

"Hey, you." Zayn turned around and frowned when he didn't see anyone. "No, your left."  Zayn looked that way and was greeted by a pair of very green eyes, sparkling in the flouresant lights of the classroom and enchanting him just a tad. The eyes were set into a face with pretty pale skin and that was framed by very well kempt curly hair, the color of chocolate. "Hi." Zayn stayed silent, and the boy looked at him closely. "You go to the beach this summer? Got some sort of tan."

Zayn shook his head and fiddles with his phone in his pocket, his common sense making him frown a bit at the question. "'M Asian." The green eyed boy nods and then a the girl with purple hair looks back at them and makes a loud sound. "Niall!" A boy across the room, with bleached blonde hair and a snapback on his desk, looks up and sees the green eyed boy with Zayn. "Oh fuck no." He gets up and makes his way to Zayn and the other boy, taking the other boy by the ear.

"Harry, what do you call yourself doing?" Niall said and Harry grinned even though his usually pale ear was turning a bright red. He shrugged and looked up at Niall. "Trying to make a new friend." The answer is simple enough and Niall lets go of Harry's ear, going back to sit in his chair. He kept his gaze trained on Harry for a full minute before turning back to his paper and scribbling words on it.

The bell rang and then it was a stampede of students again, though this time Zayn tried to keep away from Liam because his presence just messed Zayn up.

 

 

 

**_X_  **

Third period was especially ridiculous to Zayn, because even tough he found out so much, it doesn't matter right now because of the subject class it was. They have to climb a fucking _rope._

 

 

 

**_X_ **

Everytime he was close to Liam he'd feel it, in his core and his heart and in his brain and every time they would brush against each other Zayn would feel the sparks. He hates the fact that this is happening to him; why can't it be the other way around? Zayn was just cool, and if you messed with him then you'd pay for it, he'd make sure you did.

“Trying to lose me, huh?” Liam's really close to him right now; the only other person in the hallway is ahead of them and so Zayn fees a little vulnerable, he feels scared and kind of weak right now because this boy's breath is on his neck and his ear and that's not fair.

“No..” Zayn looked at his scedule and muttered, “Fucking--” because it said PE and if there's one thing Zayn doesn't do is try in PE. Liam laughed at him and put a hand on his back. “It's gonna be ok, alright? You don't have to do too much today; it's the first day and all.”

Zayn didn't care what Liam said-- he just wasn't going to try. “Yeah, ok.” Liam led Zayn to the gym and when Zayn walked in he couldn't believe all the girls. He couldn't see the other wall for girls. “Uhm.” It's not like Zayn likes girls but they're not horrifying and so this was very unexpected to say in the least. Liam isn't paying any attention to Zayn at first; he's just staring. “Well.”

The coach calls everybody to take a seat somewhere (he didn't say on the bleachers because there is just no room for all of these girls) and for them to be quiet. "Now, we have to figure out if any of you are in health class.” The girls on the other side of the room were loud then, probably because they didn't like Health class. Zayn didn't understand that though, he like health a whole hell of a lot more than PE.

“On the role...” And then he began to call out names, and Zayn felt like he was going to cry. Because curse his last name, an 'M' was unacceptable. He's going to be in PE and if that's not the worst thing ever. Liam looked at him and he frowned at how Zayn's face was all red and how he was sniffling and coughing as people who are about to cry do. "What's wrong?" As if he didn't know.

"I hate PE. And my last name is Malik with an M so I'm in PE this semster and it's fucking awful, ok?" Liam looks surprised at him before bursting into laughter. "It's not funny, I'm about to cry." Liam laughs a little more and the coach says, "Payne! Shut up." and now Liam's quiet but-- wait. "Payne? With a P?" That's even farther down than Malik with an M and now Zayn's happy despite himself and despite PE. "Yeah, that's my name. So we're in the same class, as I said." Zayn looks at Liam through the corner of his eye and he can't believe this is happening to him of all people, this isn't real, he's dreaming and when he wakes up then he'll have to come to school and none of this will happen.

"Oh."

The coaches are putting people into their classes and of course when he calls, "Malik!" Zayn sighs and grumbles and he sits with the PE group, not wanting to look at any of them. Many, many names later comes, "Payne!" and he rushes over to sit next to Zayn and almost knocks him over with his enthusiam. "Hey." Zayn looks at Liam and he feels like he's about to cry again, though Liam is nothing worth crying for negatively.

The  lady coach steps up and says, "Hush! I have an announcement!" and everyone gets quiet; they must be scared of her. "Girls, you're to find a partner. A male partner," she adds when the girls squeal and grab each other's arms. Zayn's face falls-- _girls?_ Every boy seems to have a partner and then a girl with long blonde hair walks up to him, her blue eyes shining a bit as she shyly makes her way over. "Hi, uhm, I was wondering if you'd be my partner?" Zayn looks at her strangely, looks around behind him and turns around to see her stil there. "Me?" He asks and points at his chest. The girl nods and Zayn says "Yeah, sure."

She holds out her hand and he takes it, standing with her a little ways away from the mass of teenage girls who are looking for a good partner so that they can do extra curricular activies after school with them, if you think that way.

Liam walks over and he's got a girl with long curly hair with him, and she's kind of all over him but Zayn keeps the way _that_ makes him feel to himself. "I'm Danielle."  She's a confident one, all long fingernails and done up hair with her hipster clothes and her Raybans and Zayn looks away for a bit; she's blinding him in _perfect._ "'M Zayn," he replies and Liam makes a gaspy sound, and Zayn remembers him saying he liked his name.

"So, Taylor's your partner then?" Danielle says. Zayn almost shrugs but then the girl who's picked him nods and she smiles at Danielle, though Danielle only seems to have her eyes on Zayn. "Yeah, he looked kind of lonely over there so I decided to go over." Zayn thanks her and she nods in return, Liam's whispering to Danielle and she's nodding. "Then it's fine," he says louder than he probably meant to and she looks a bit frightened but she still holds her ground and shakes her head, and Zayn wonders faintly what they could be discussing.

The bell rings again and Zayn gets on the ground because it's a literaly stampede of-- yeah, you guessed it, girls. Liam sits next to him while both of their partners go on and when the last girls are trying to stay in for the boys period, he sits up and dusts himself off. Zayn rolls over and then he feels arms around his middle and Liam is smiling widely at him as he places his back against the doorframe and stands him up. "I know how to walk, thank you."

Liam shrugs and walks along with him. "I don't care. So you've met Taylor now." Zayn shrugs this time. "Yeah, and? She was nice enough, I suppose." Liam shakes his head and he whispers in Zayn's ear (he meant to tell him earlier _please don' do that, my body reacts to you_ but it slipped his mind when he saw he had PE.), "She's a home wrecker." Zayn gasps and yeah, "That's rude." Liam's eyes shift and he raises his shoulders in a sigh. "Yeah, you get a boyfriend and see how fast she swoops in."

 

 

 

** _X_ **

Zayn remembers that and he really wishes he'd said something along the lines of, "Would you be my boyfriend?" But of course he didn't, of course he didn't. He snuggles himself into his growing nest of comforters and pillows and sighs. Right now he's just hinking that maybe this isn't all that it could be, maybe he should be asking for more. And if he was anyone, he would. But since he's Zayn, it's horribly unlikely.

 

 

 

**_ X _** 

 Fourth period. Liam seems happy because at this point he's told Zayn all about Danielle (he really likes her a lot) and just how much of a 'homewrecker' Taylor is ("Niall had been with Harry for so long and then for the new girl to come around and take him up was... Disrespectful, to say in the least. But to be fair, Harry could have said 'no' or 'fuck off' or 'but Niall' but he said none and went along with it. So Niall's kind of mad at both of them. Niall's a mad person nowadays, he's snappish and grumpy but its all because he loves Harry so fucking much. And Harry wears it like a necklace. It's hard to think about.").

"What's fourth?" Liam asks and again he's snatching and Zayn thinks of saying 'you can have it' but then Liam hands it back and Zayn takes it. "Maths? Where is room 259?" Liam sighs and grumbles, "The first floor." Fuck.

It takes them a while because Zayn wants to look in every door and Liam has to drag him down the stairs but they finally get there and the mid-sized man with the ginger hair that is standing at the front of the class smiles at them. "You two are late,"  he says and god, he's at the front of the class again, that's twice today, but then Liam says "Yes, sir, we really are sorry. We'll try to get back from PE faster." The man nods and Liam leads Zayn to the back, where the girl whos' been getting trouble all day is sitting.

"Liam," she whispers. Liam doesn't look at her and continues to pay attention to the teacher. " _Liam_ ," she whispers louder and yet he still doesn't look, though his lip twitches. " _Li_ am, Liam, _Liam_!" She almost shouts and now he looks over at her angrily, huffing and whispering, "What?! What is so important!?" She shrinks back and looks at him with the eyes of a little girl who just witnessed a man's anger. Maybe she has. "I was going to ask how Dani was.." Liam relaxes and then he looks-- it's envy. Jealousy and horrible envy.

"She's doing fine. Really good." Perrie looks at him again and then turns back to the teacher, shaking a bit and her pencil lead kept breaking as she wrote on her paper. Zayn looks at Liam with that " _Why in the world would you do that?!_ " Look and sasys, "Why in the world would you do that?" Liam looks at him from the corner of his eye and sighs, his resolve visibly breaking down. "She's.. Well, Dani is her girlfriend. And I care about that." Zayn wishes he hadn't asked, because he's knows what's next and god, why does this always happen to _him_?

"And I love her."

That one sentence. One sentence is all it takes. It was.. It was nothing, really it wasn't.

(Except that it was everything. Everything Zayn had meant when he thought of the _one_ , what he thought of when he was alone and was writing a poem or drawing a picture or listening to a particularly sad song. Nothing hurts more than having someone you (potentially; Zayn won't admit it now) love or like say that they love or like someone else. It makes you want to die in a very deep and dark hole because wow, if you're that unimportant to someone than why bother trying life. But Zayn's never been like that. He's always been the best secret keeper and knows how to bottle things up just right so that they never show unless he asks them politely. But he never does that, unless someone's about to do something he can't bear to happen. Such as go off with a girl he doesn't know and doesn't care to know while he sits and watches and picks up the pieces of his heart.

Never.)

"Oh." Zayn doesn't look at Liam, can't look at Liam, _won't_ look at Liam. He doesn't know this boy. Why was he doing this to himself. He doesn't know this boy's life, his history, his family, his friends or his future. All that he knows is that he wants to; so badly that it's making his heart hurt. "She's really something," Liam says and Zayn pushes in on himself even more, trying not to answer or think about this too much. He's just met this boy, it was crazy anyway.

"But she'd never want me. She's so busy and anyway, she's with Perrie. I don't know how she even has time for that but she's always been able to handle herself." Zayn thinks about getting up and moving to a different seat but no, he's not going to let it show that that fucking hurt. He doesn't look at Liam, however, just sits and listens to him speak. "I admire her sense of compassion; her need to do something for herself."

"'S nice, Liam."

"What? Why that tone?"

"Nothing."

"Fine then." And Liam lets it go. Mr.. Sheeran, that's it, is having students pass out some paper about his class and Zayn takes one. He skims the front page and then puts it back down. "How long have you loved her?" Zayn decides to torture himself more for the sake of knowing about Liam's past.

"Oh, my whole life, I'm sure. I met her down the street when I was five; she had cookies and I was greedy for her attention." Liam looks like he's going back to that time, and Zayn watches his face change as he continues. "We became inseperable. And I thought it was because it was spring time, because the flowers were blooming, because of the sweet rain, that I felt the way I did. Was to young to realize what love felt like in my eyes and in my bones and in my blood and in my heart.

"And then, Perrie and Niall moved next door. I always thought it would be that she fell for Niall because he was foreign; blonde hair and blue eyes that we'd never seen before. But I was wrong." He pauses, and glances at Perrie, who's chewing on her nails and gazing off into space. "They're related?" Zayn takes this time to ask. Liam just nods and closes his eyes briefly before going on. "I was wrong.

"Perrie was something she'd only been able to think of in her bedroom at night when there was nothing else to do but torture yourself with wishes of something you can't have because it doesn't exist. She was wild, different, a mix of perfect and completely irrational. The first day she saw her, the look on her face.." Zayn almost wants to say "You don't have to if you don't want to.." But he's selfish. So he waits for Liam to continue.

"We were sitting in her bedroom, with her lights on and the lamps off, when she told me. She said, "Do you remember that girl we met today?" And I nodded, what else was I to do? I was ten years old. "She was.. something else, don't you think?" And I nodded again, because of course I'd agree. She smiled and it was so giddy, I didn't understand then. "I think she was perfect." And then I saw it in the way she looked, how soft her voice became when she talked about her, how much she looked like she was somewhere else. It was love."

Zayn looks at Liam's eyes, sees how much he looks like he wants to be anywhere but here, telling this story, and he feels hurt for Liam. He can only imagine.

 

 

 

**_ X+X _ **

Danielle ran down the street, her hair flying and her smile wider than it ever had been. "Liam, hurry up! The new people are here!" They were ten. It was summer, and the street was hot to the touch. Liam ran after her, going as fast as he could to showcase just how fast he'd become. Danielle still got there first, and she waited for Liam before going on. "C'mon!" She grabbed his hand, her nails digging into his skin, and his face was suddenly too hot, too red.

They made it to the rounded part of the road, their footsteps echoeing off the otherwise empty street. "Where are they?" Liam asked, huffing in between words. Danielle was fine, however; being a dancer did things to people. "I don't know; I thought I--" And the look on her face for the next three seconds was something that Liam still thinks about today, when he's sick and she can't be there for him, or when he's thinking of how he'd like her to feel about him.

"What? Oh!" Liam says when he sees them; a boy and a girl, both blonde and blue eyed, the girl tall like a model and the boy shorter than her and struggling to catch up. "Hello!" The girl cried, and Danielle waved at her. "Hi!" They collided in the middle of the street, and they stayed in a laughing heap for the better part of thrity seconds. Liam looked at the boy and reached his hand out. "Hi.." He says, never having been as confident as Danielle.

"'M Niall," the boy says and Liam nods, shaking his hand loosely. "Liam." They both turn to watch the girls in the street, all squirming body parts and squeals of protest. "Pez," Niall says and the blonde girl lifts her head from Danielle's chest. "Oh. Right, sorry," the girl called 'Pez' says and helps Danielle up, their fingers lingering together before she steps away from her to adjust herself. "Introduce yourself, rude," Niall says and 'Pez' sticks her tongue out at him. "I'm Perrie," she says and her voice is tinkling up close, like a small silver bell. "I'm Dani-- uh, Danielle." She holds her hand out but Perrie pulls her closer to hug her. Liam raises his eyebrows and Niall shakes his head, "Females."

Liam doesn't respond, he doesn't even hear what Niall just said. He brushes off this unusual act of affection as Perrie being a bit too friendly and went on. Perrie looks to Liam and smiles at him, and he forces one back. "What's your name?" She asks, getting closer to him and nearly blinding him in how much she doesn't belong here, in this neighborhood, on this street, in this city where it's too sunny to be so light. "Liam."

She nods and then smiles again, briefly, before looking to Danielle, who is talking to Niall. "How long have you known her?" She asks, and Liam smiles to think of how long he's lived life with the knowledge that someone like Danielle exists. "Since we were five." Perrie raises her eyebrows jealously. "Five?! That's half your life!" Liam shrugged, secretly enjoying the fact he made her jealous. "Yeah, I suppose it is."

Perrie pouts before continuing her assault of questions. "Is she nice? How old is she? Where is she from, she's so brown? How do you think she'll-- never mind." Liam doesn't really want to answer these questions, but luckily, Danielle is coming over to save him from this extremely invasive and inquisitive girl. "Li, it's getting dark; we have to be back to mine at 7:00." Danielle holds her hand out for him to take and he stares at it for far too long before slotting his fingers into hers and smiling lightly.

"We'll see you two tommorow, then?" Danielle asks and Niall nods, waves, and then drags Perrie away. "Bye!" She calls and Danielle shakes her head lightly before turning away and heading back down the street. "They were nice, huh?" Liam nods absently, too taken by the fact that his hand is in Danielle's right now. "She was pretty." She said it in observance, or tried to. Liam can tell when he's being baited, and Danielle isn't sneaky. "Yeah, I guess."

Danielle's mum welcomes them home and asks a few questions about the new children. Danielle answers mostly and Liam just nods along, his opinions of these people not really helpful. "Alright. I'm heading up to bed; Liam, stay as long as you like." He nods and Danielle gets this smile on her face, the smile children get when they're too young for the responsiblity they just gained and yet they'll take it like a pirate. "Come to my room, I wanna ask you something."

Liam follows Danielle up and sits on her bed while she turns on her Christmas lights that are hanging on her wall, like fireflies all around them. Liam sees her eyes sparkle and change colors slightly and he bites the inside of his cheek because she's insanely beautiful. "What did you want to ask me?" She bites her lip and looks down at her hands; she's obviously scared to tell him. "Remember that girl we met today?" Liam nods, what else could he do? "She was.. something else, don't you think?" And Liam nodded again, partially wondering why Danielle is asking.

"I think she was perfect."

Liam looks at her, and their eyes catch for a moment. Her eyes are soft. She has passion in her eyes, as well as bashfulness and a hint of.. what is that? Liam is too young to know. "Perfect?" Danielle shrugs her shoulders and sits closer to him. "Yeah, perfect. Like, 'Iwanttowakeuptoyoursmileeverymorning', 'wherehaveyoubeenallmylife', 'wowthisislifeafter' perfect." Liam sits back and tries to make sense of that. "Was she that.. perfect?" Danielle simply nods, then shrugs again.

"I don't know, it was strange seeing her for the first time. My whole world kind of stood still. She was the only thing I could see for sometime; I've never felt that way before." Ouch. If she's never felt that way before, then she surely doesn't feel that way about Liam. Which hurts. Ouch.

"Have you ever felt that way before?"

"No."

("Yes. The first day i met you was the first day I knew what heaven was, because I saw it everyday in your eyes. I knew what it was to fall i love so hard. I knew what itwas to want something with every atom you possess. I knew. And I know. I feel it all over again everyday, and you don't make it easy. I cry sometimes, did you know that? I cry. You know why? Because you're perfect. You're 'Iwanttowakeuptoyoursmileeverymorning', 'wherehaveyoubeenallmylife', 'wowthisislifeafter' perfect.

Perfect doesn't scratch the surface.")

"Oh."

She motions for him to get closer, and he does. She wraps her arms around him, whispers, "It's alright, you'll find them," and then buries her face in his neck. He sighs and hugs her back.

"I hope I do."

 

 

 

**_X+X_ **

Zayn wipes his eyes again for the tenth time and Liam sighs. "So that's that." He doesn't seem particularly sad, really. Just tired. Tired of Danielle not realizing that she's all he's ever wanted her to be. And now, Zayn feels bad. He feels like he has no right to feel the way about Liam he does, because he's got him one and if Zayn ever had a chance anyway, it's gone now. He won't do that to him. He'll live without something he knows he doesn't deserve anyway.

"She's not..." Liam sighs and tries again. "She's not in my league. She never was. And as far as I'm concerned, she never will be." Zayn wants to leave Liam here, to give him space and to not look or speak but gosh, it's so hard when you feel like you're being magnitized and you don't have the power to get up and move. "I'm.. I'm sorry."

Liam shakes his head and looks at his desk. "No, don't be. It's not your fault in the slightest." Zayn still feels guilty. "Anyway," Liam says and looks at the clock. "Bell, bell, bell," He says and then it rings, which signals fifth period, second to last and completely welcome. "When are we going to lunch?" Zayn asked and sighed, picking at the red man and horse on his shirt, looking down at his shoes to make sure they hadn't creased.

"Right now," Liam said and pushed Zayn along the hallway, bumping into people. "Where do we go?" He asked and Liam turned him down a corner. "Right in here."

The cafeteria is a big room, long as much as it is wide and very spacious, the tables spread apart. "You'll sit with me, right?" Liam really just asked that. Zayn nods and adjusts his shirt from where Liam's messed it up. The line is long and so they stand and talk to pass the time. They talk about first peroid, how long ago that seems to be, about second period and Liam's foolishness with that ring in his lip, third period (which makes Zayn rather moody) and how many girls there are this year, and fourth period, mainly how much they didn't get from it. Zayn wants to ask more things about Liam's story but it's not his place in any way and besides, he doesn't want Liam asking him things like that, because he's never had to deal with anything like that.

Today they have chicken and Zayn is extremely contented by this fact, his face breaking into a simple smile and Liam makes a strange face, all crinkly eyes and pretty teeth and--oh. _Oh_. He's smiling. Zayn looks away from this and instead goes to stand behind Liam, so that he won't look stupid on the first day by standing in the middle of the cafeteria. Liam walks out in front of him and leads his to a table by a window, sunlight shining on the floor next to the table and part way on the chair Zayn sits in, causing his body to be partially lit by the sun.

"Do people sit with you?" Zayn asks and gets no answer because Liam is paying attention to the girl with extremly bright red hair who decided to sit at thier table, as well as Niall and his pretty boyfriend, and Perrie with her neon haired friends.Thirlwall and Nelson, Zayn thinks from when they had their names called in PE. "Pez, will you please stop following me? I'm trying to talk to someone," Thirlwall says and then turns to Liam, her lips stretched into a smile. Zayn all of a sudden doesn't like her, and his eyes pinch together briefly from watching her.

"Hey, Liam, did you think about what I offered this morning?" She looks hopeful, her eyes shining and her fingers outstretched. Liam looks at the sky for a second and then back at her, and he looks almost sad to be saying, "Oh, I sure did. And I don't think it's a very good idea this time, Jade." She shakes her head wistfully and the look in her eyes has Zayn thinking that she's only to try again tomorrow. Liam sighs when she turns away and then Perrie turns to him, causing his muscles to stiffen and his eyes to get hard.

"Hey, Li, Dani was wondering if you'd come to the party she's having." Liam looks at Perrie like she just said he was stupid and says, "How on earth do you think I'm not going to go?" She rolls her eyes and smiles at him, though the gesture isn't returned immeidately. "What's the party for?" Perrie glances at Zayn and back to Liam, and Zayn wants to say something rude, something like "Well?" or "Yes, how may I help you?" or even "Bitch?" but he says none and stays quiet his lip twitching once. "She's going to New York; she didn't tell you?"

Oh. _Oh_.

Wow.

Liam looks like he's just seen a puppy get kicked to death, his face red and his eyes shining with unshed tears. He wipes them and tries his best to not cry. He pinches the bridge of his nose for a minute and then looks at her with an even redder face. "What?" She nods and her eyes shift; she doesn't know what Danielle means to Liam. "She's got a scholarship, and she wants to take a year to get familiar with the area." Liam puts his head on the table and makes pitiful sounds, then lifts his head and keeps his arms crossed across the top of the table. Perrie nods her head again, and looks at the shape of Liam. "Is it a problem? She's really happy about it."

"I know, and I'm happy for her. That's great, it really is." Zayn puts his hand on Liam's back subconciously and rubs around in circles. "So, you're going?" Liam nods, takes a deep breath and sits up, wiping his face harshly and looking at the sky again. "Yeah, what day is it?" Perrie puts her fingers to her chin. "Thursday, I think. She'll be leaving on Sunday." Liam nods again and he's calmer now, though Zayn can still see the storm brewing in his eyes.

"Alright then." And Perrie turns away now.

"Liam.." He shakes his head and puts it back down. Zayn has time to think about why Danielle wouldn't tell him. Maybe she's trying to end their friendship. Maybe she just forgot. Or maybe she knows how much she really means to him, how much she makes his day and fits herself into the cracks and makes him _Liam_. Maybe. But probably not. She probably just thinks he wouldn't like to go.

"It doesn't make sense. How can she be having a party and A) I don't know about it, and B) she didn't tell me? I just-- I just don't get it." Liam sighs and tries to clear his throat. Zayn just stays quiet, lets Liam process it the way he already did. "Because, I mean, I thought I was important to her. I thought I mattered. I thought she cared. But I see now that I was wrong. I don't even want to go," he adds, and places his finger on the table.

"I think you should."

"Why?!"

"To ask her why she didn't tell you."

"She didn't want me to know, simple. And I'll just ask her at school."

"Not quite," Zayn says and puts his hands in his lap. Niall's boyfriend-- Zayn forgot his name-- looks to the two of them and raises an eyebrow, in a question. Zayn makes his hands into a heart and breaks it, and the boy nods. He whispers to Niall and Niall looks up, his face getting the smallest bit tanned because of living in this place so long. "He alright?" He asks outloud. Zayn shrugs and Liam just glares at them. He doesn't seem fazed that Zayn just told them he had some form of broken heart; just mad that they said something. "Zayn, I would like it if you didn't tell anyone else." Zayn pulls a face, though he doesn't say anything.

 

 

 

**_ X _**

Zayn didn't like that day, he remembers. He'd picked at his chicken and couldn't eat it (on the account that there was fat; _hot_ fat and it was like eating nothing) because he'd been mad at Liam. But he'd also been worrying. Liam isn't going to do anything, is he? Sure, he'll probably cry, a lot. But Zayn's worried more about his physical health. He's worried about Liam keeping himself safe.

 

 

 

**_ X _ **

Sixth period. This day is nearly over. This is welcome, to say in the least.

Now that Zayn knows about these people, he feels inclined not to like any of them. There's Jade, obviously.. _promiscuous,_ in the sense that she'd ask for it in the hallway. There's Harry, who's obviously proud of his relationship, though he'd throw it away for a new girl with pretty eyes and a voice like nothing he'd ever heard before. Niall, who does everything he does--cynically or otherwise--because he loves Harry so much. Taylor, a racy girl that Zayn's kind of worried about in terms of ruining his reputation. Perrie, who Zayn wants to be mad at, but he can't because love chooses, and she can't. And then, there's Danielle.

There are no words for Zayn's emotion towards her. He's not sure if it should be negative or positive, cause he's at zero. Switzerland on the subject. He knows how much she means to Liam, yes. He's inclined to feel at least warmth for her, but the way she's with Perrie in Liam's face is causing him not to. Zayn means, sure, Liam's never said anything. But the least Danielle can do is pay attention to him and _not_ make him feel like he's just a friend.

It's Spanish.

Liam is actually very proficient, speaking in complete sentences and succeeding in confusing Zayn to no end. Must be right. Their teacher is some woman by the name of Mrs. Gomez and she's all tall legs and tan skin and gosh, she's _hot_ and Zayn wasn't prepared. She's a nice teacher, she is, though Zayn's class has a chronic talking problem (Mrs. Gomez is actually called Mrs. Gomez-Bieber, but that's a different story about when they were younger).

" _Silencio clase. Vamos a empezar la leccion cuatro."_ It all just rushes out and Zayn sort of struggles to understand. Harry raises his hand and when he gets called on says, " _Yo no comprendo,"_ which causes the whole class to laugh. Mrs. Gomez gets that stern look on her face and they all stop. _"No comprendes?"_ The class shakes their head. _"Estudias."_ She says simply, effectively shutting every one up about 'but you never taught this,' and 'I don't understand and you're going too fast.' Zayn tunes the Spanish out and watches Liam carefully.

Liam is writing notes and trying to make sense of the new lesson, the one Zayn's not listening to. "Liam," Zayn whispers. Liam glances up out of the corner of his eyes raises an eyebrow. "Yeah?" Zayn looks at his paper, blank. "Are you really going to Danielle's party?" Liam's eyes squint. "I don't know, Zayn."

Zayn nods and lets that go. "What's today?"

"It's Tuesday, Zayn."

"But doesn't school start on Mondays..?"

"Does it?"

Mrs. Gomez is surveying the class and their progress in copying down the notes she's writen on the board. Zayn's paper is blank, so he has to scribble the first few until he's down to where he thinks is 'acceptable' and by the time she comes around to seeing his notes he's on the last one. He'll, of course, go back to the first ones and redo them but for now he'll avoid detetnion over making his paper neat. "It's supposed to, I always thought."

 Liam shurgs and turns back to his paper. "So you're not going?" Liam shrugs again. "I don't know, Zayn. Why should I?" And they'd done this before, just happened. But Zayn just wants Liam to try and make this work between he and Danielle. "It's never gonna happen anyway!" Zayn makes a face at this. "Ok, ok, God. I still think you should go," he adds and Liam frowns.

Zayn shakes his head but drops it, lets Liam sulk and boil in his own self-pity. Zayn cares about Liam too much to really know what to do except let him.

 

_**X** _

It's Thursday.

Zayn is officially ready to end his life, the way Liam looks when he walks into Mrs. Ora's class. Zayn at first wants nothing to do with it because it depressed him, but Liam sits next to him and makes a big deal of how sad he is and Zayn despises it, he hates it and wishes Liam would just go away, because he's sad too, and Liam isn't making anything better for anything.

"I mean, I'm going," Liam had mumbled, and Zayn had turned to him from where he'd been taking notes in his sister's notebooks. "Yeah?" Liam nods and continues, though Zayn knows he can see the way he's getting looked at. "Yeah, but I need someone to go with me." _Fucking perfect_ , Zayn thinks but bites his tongue to turn back to his notes. "Mhm." Liam pushes on. "So, I was wondering, ehm, if you'd like to go with me? You don't have to, I can just go with Jade or something, but--"

"Yes, I'll go with you, Liam."

(What he really wants to say is "Fuck yeah, lets go and get hitched while we're there," but of course he doesn't because of course he can't.)

 

_ **X** _

It's 6:00, and Zayn is walking up the hill with Liam to Danielle's house. It's getting dark, but isn't quite dark, so the way the light look on the house is totally unfair to Lim because it's beautiful and he's about to lose somebody beautiful to a more beautiful place and a beautiful woman and all Liam has to show for it is a broken heart and Zayn at his shoulder. "Now, when we get in there, I want you to get wasted, okay?" Liam is giving Zayn instructions. Zayn is confused. "Why?" Liam sighs and stops them to step in front of Zayn and face him. "I don't want you to remember my crying."

They get to the house without any other words, except when Zayn tells him "good luck," and Liam shakes his head. "Thank you for coming with me; I'm sure you had better art things to do than this." And how Liam remembers that detail of Zayn's personality, he will never know. They walk inside together, and then Liam is gone and Zayn is left to face a _party._ Really, what was he thinking, coming here? He doesn't _do_ parties, and that is pretty obvious by the way he stares around and wanders around with nothing to do but follow Liam's instructions.

He finds an abandoned red cup and prays that he doesn't catch anything as he takes a sip from it. The taste is acrid, and makes Zayn want to throw up, but that must be why he takes two more sips and the makes his way around, trying to find someone he knows.

"Zayn! Are you actually here?" He hears it from far away, which surprises him because the music is so loud. It's Niall, and he's sitting with Harry and the neon haired twins and Taylor, who gives Zayn a smile that is not very much returned. "How did you even get here?"

"Walked."

"Did you come with anyone?"

"Liam."

"Liam is here? Where?" Niall looks over Zayn's shoulder. Zayn waves his hand around. "He went to find Danielle." Harry gets this grave look on his face, and just then Perrie walks up.

"When did you get here? You said you weren't coming!" Which, ok, Zayn has no memory of saying that to her, none, but he just shrugs and says, "Came with Liam." Perrie's eyes get hawkish and she snorted. "Really, he came here? Hm." Zayn rolls his eyes down into his cup and nods. He doesn't  _like_ her, she was unpleasant and persistent and annoying and obnoxiously perceptive and he hated her. "D'you know where Danielle actually is?" Harry pipes up and Perrie turns her attention from Zayn. He sighs audibly. 

"Yeah, she's around in her bedroom." Zayn pretends he didn't hear her say that as he stands up and places his now empty cup down onto a relatively flat surface. "Where're you going?" Niall asked, and Zayn cuts him a look. "Alcohol," he said vaugely, and then went around to the kitchen. He made a U-turn after a few minutes and raced himself up the stairs. He picked up another cup on the landing and started walking down the hallway slowly, carefully. He didn't know what he'd find, but he was going to save Liam from this terrible fate as fast as he could.

Zayn rounded a corner and stood still for a moment to steady himself. He was buzzed, and warm, and not happy, and he wanted to be done with this so that he could go home and cry and paint a picture of broken hearts. He's running his free hand along the wall when he hears something akin to shouting coming from a closed door. It piques his interest enough for him to throw the door open. Bad, bad idea.

Liam is crying, not even, like, small crying. It was big crying, loud crying, hard crying, he was barely breathing and his face was wet and red and Zayn's eyebrows pulled together. He turned his head a little to see Danielle, in her Amazonian-type beauty, sitting crosslegged on her bed and shaking her head. Zayn comes farther into the room and pushes at Liam's chest until he starts breathing steadily. "Go away," Liam said weakly, and Zayn shook his head. Danielle was staring at him and making him feel so small and he willed Liam to pull him close and tell him this was all fake and that he didn't care so much. 

"Why would you leave him?" Zayn asked suddenly, turning around from where Liam's got a loose hold on his elbow. "How could you do that? Are you blind, are you deaf, are you stupid?" Danielle's face was growing red and Zayn was just getting started. "He is in love with you. He loves you. He  _loves you,_  god dammit. He cries all the time, did you know that?" 

Danielle shook her head. Liam squeezed Zayn's hand in vain. 

"He's loved you since the first day he saw you on that hill, he's loved you since way before you ever met her, he's going to love you whether you're here or in fucking Peru and you're...you're wasting his life. He's killing himself to impress you, make you smile, be the person to you that you are to him. He's breaking apart to make you happy and keep you interested in him even as a friend. And you'e letting him, leading him on, using him. He's all used up. There's no one left in here now, not a remnant of anything that doesn't have to do with you." 

Liam hiccuped. "You don't have to say all that." But Zayn didn't care, he didn't fucking care, Liam was dying because of this and he couldn't take it anymore. Danielle played with her fingers in her lap and Zayn gave up trying to catch her eye. He wouldn't stop telling it until he was done.

"Are you satisfied, did I just blow your mind? I don't know him like you do, I probably never will," Zayn said, "but, but the least I can do for him is make him feel like he matters to me! He's wanted you to want him for fucking years, ok, years, and you're too busy kissing that bitch to notice!" Danielle pulled a face and Zayn huffed a breath. "All that I'm trying to say," Zayn said a little breathlessly, "is that he doesn't deserve this from you, or anyone." 

Zayn pushed his feelings down his throat and Liam pulled Zayn to his chest. Zayn was still tense but he felt his skin burning where they touched. 

"Is this, like, true?" Danielle, dumbfounded and still maybe in shock, asked, and Liam shrugged. "I mean. It is, but, maybe, not that serious." Zayn took a sip of his drink and slurred, "Even more serious than that." Zayn's fiddling with the ring in Liam's lip and Danielle's eyes are narrowed. "You ass," she directs at Liam. "You should have, like, said that, or something. Would have made a difference." At this Liam's eyebrow pull together and he frowns.

"What kind of difference? You're in love with her, you've been in love with her since we were ten years old." Danielle sighed deeply and pull her knees to her chest. She looked conflicted, Zayn thought, conflicted and worried that whatever choice she made would be wrong no matter what. 

"When we met, when we were five, do you remember that?" Liam fixed Danielle with a hard look.

"Every day of my life."

**_X+X_ **

Liam is five. He lives in the same house his mother moved into when she left home. He goes to kindergarten every other day and he's pleased to think that he's the smartest boy in his class. 

"Liam James! We're going to meet the neighbors!" 

Liam had seen the cars, huge white things that rattled when they went up the hill and clattered as they ran down. He didn't know what a 'truck' was, he didn't know what a 'neighbor' was. All he knew was that he had on his Sunday School khakis and that there was someone new in the house on the other side of the hill. Liam ran down the stairs, excited and nervous. He stayed underneath his mother's leg the entire way up the street and when they got to the top he broke away from her to look around.

Every house looked the same, undisturbed, and Liam wondered if this was a joke. Just as he was about to ask, he turned his head and, goodness, he swears even now, he's never going to forget it. 

The girl was tall and leggy even at six. She wore her hair in a braid that day, Liam remembered, that sat neatly on her shoulder and made her neck look long. She was wearing dress shoes, and a ruffly shirt, and something akin to a skirt sat on her waist (it was a little ratty, but Liam hadn't noticed). She was grinning, and Liam realized that she was coming closer to him, she was going to talk to him, what, no, this is wrong, "Mum, can we please go back home?" He asked it as politely as possible and Karen shook her head absently. She wasn't paying attention to him, Danielle's mother was walking up to her and they had mum things to talk about.

The girl was upon him now, and all Liam could think to do was stare at her and hope she turned around. "Hi," she said instead, "I'm Danielle." She held her hand out then, and Liam eyed it wearily. "This is the part where we shake hands," Danielle whispered. Liam reached his hand out slowly and placed it in hers firmly. Her handshake was loose, weak, but Liam wanted to hold her hand forever. "What's your name, then?" Danielle asked. Liam sucked in a large breath. "Liam James, but I like just Liam better."

Danielle giggled. "Okay, just Liam, tell me about you. Are you in school?" Liam was staring at his feet and in the moment he started to talk to them. "Yeah, reception. I'm five and I'm the smartest boy in my class." Liam heard Danielle laugh again and he looked up indignantly. "I'm six," she said, and Liam pouted. "Hey, so, I'm still smarter than you!" 

"Liar." Danielle put her hand on her hip and stuck her tongue out at Liam. "I know how to add repeated numbers," she boasted. "So, what's that even mean? I know how to take numbers away from other numbers." Danielle pursed her lips. "I know what makes green," she challenged, and Liam crossed his arms. "I know what makes purple," he countered. Danielle's laughed hit Liam's ears again and he wished that she would stop laughing at him. "I read a chapter book last week."

Liam set his jaw and he was prepared to fight back when he saw his mother approaching them. He straightened his neck and looked her in her eye as she said, "They've just invited us to dinner, we won't be there long, come along then." He didn't want to eat, he wanted to keep arguing with Danielle about how much smarter than her he was. But, he would never argue with his mother (not for a long time, anyway). 

Liam's hands are in his pockets for a third of the night and by the time he has to leave he still hasn't said anything else to Danielle. She's pulled him into her room now and he squints around at her animal posters and pink fixtures. "What do you see when you look at me?" she asked. Liam's eyebrows pulled together and he managed a, "you're pretty."

"No, no," Danielle shook her head. "I mean, like. What do you see, happiness or badness?" Danielle came closer to Liam's face and he was pretty sure he was going to pop. "Good," he said after a while, and Danielle breathed a sigh. "Really? D'you mean it?" Liam nodded wholeheartedly and Danielle ran her hand over his arm. "Well, then...can I give you something?" 

Liam nodded eagerly and held out his hand expectantly. "No, silly," Danielle murmured, "something different." Liam frowned and he would have stayed that way if Danielle hadn't just put her mouth on him. On his mouth. He'd learned what this was from a kid at school--

"Kiss? You don't have cooties, right?" Danielle laughed and moved her eyebrow up but before she could say anything Liam's mother was calling him and it was time to leave, for real this time.

Liam sat on his bed that night and wrote in his journal that he'd never kiss another person.

**_X+X_ **

"What about it? That was, like, thirteen years ago." Liam is pretending, pretending it didn't matter so much to him when he knew and even Zayn could tell. 

"You're the only person who's ever believed in me, Liam. I asked ten people that question and no one wanted to answer me, they all said 'we'll see later, when you're older,' or something. You said good. You meant it." Danielle's voice was getting hoarse and if Zayn didn't know any better he'd say she was about to start crying. "That doesn't answer the question, though, of how that would have made any kind of earthly difference in your choice." 

"I liked you, you made me feel like...good. You made me feel like I was going to make a difference in the world one day. She..made me feel like I wouldn't have to do it alone." This didn't satisfy Liam remotely. "The point is, if you'd said that, maybe I would have started to see you that way."

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not done yet but I just really don't want to lose this and so yes, it's posted. Tell me what you think?


End file.
